Bittersweet Goodbye

After 18 months, 1 week and 4 days, K and I said goodbye to breastfeeding.

Its a very bittersweet ending for me. It feels like the last link to my sweet baby is gone and we are truly entering life with a kid now. I knew it was time; secretly I think she knew it was time too; my husband felt it was time about 6 months ago. It was simply not fun anymore. Crazy contortioning from an active toddler who has no interest in sitting still for 30 seconds, let alone 10 minutes. Diminishing supply which caused tears and frustration on her end, and a bit of pain on mine. The inability to spend the night anywhere, let alone stay in the city after work to have a drink with a long lost friend. My job also requires a lot of schmoozing, and it was starting to be painfully obvious I was the weakest link when it came time to attend the networking events.

So 3 days ago I decided to pull the plug full stop. I needed a game plan to avoid the source of all things comforting - the rocker in her room. As soon as I place my butt in it, K immediately turns to me and says "milk. mommys milk" and then proceeds to stick her hand down my shirt. Mornings were easy. I greeted her with her sippy cup as soon as she awoke, and whisked her downstairs. She thought it was a fun game. Evenings were harder. Our entire bedtime routine is situated around that chair. I moved stories downstairs with a sippy cup before teethbrushing and handwashing. I let her keep the sippy cup right up until she was placed in the crib and if she asked for "milk?" I would play dumb and point to her sippy cup. I let her sit in the chair, but I copped a squat on the floor instead of having her in my lap. The first night she threw a fit, but I held my ground and managed to distract her with extra lullabies. 3 days in and she doesn't ask for it anymore, though I am still doing stories and milk downstairs for the foreseeable future to be safe.

On the one hand I am happy it has gone so smoothly, but on the other, I am sad she didn't put up more of a fuss. I know, I am crazy. But honestly, doesn't she miss the bond as much as I do? Doesn't she miss gently rocking while I hum silly songs and look into her eyes? Doesn't she miss that quiet time at 3am when its just her, and me and the mechanical squeak of the chair hinges?

Despite the crazy colicky sessions early on, when she would scream, latch, scream, latch and rinse/repeat for an hour, despite the overactive letdown that required towels stuffed down both sides of my nursing bra  for 4 months straight, despite being chained to my house and her for 18 months,  I will miss knowing everything she needed to grow, I could provide. Everything she needed to calm and face the world, I could give her.

And I am sad to realize I don't have any photos of us breastfeeding (other then a few NSFW ones my husband may have snapped when we were out and K pulled away, forcing me to flash the restaurant).

Breastfeeding is the hardest "natural" thing I have ever encountered, and believe it or not, that includes birthing. But it was all so so worth it. I am glad we tried for as long as we could. I am glad I was able to give her that start in life. And despite the melancholy tone of this post, I am glad we are done.

She doesn't look like she is taking it too badly, does she?

Monkey Man

**disclaimer** 

If you consider yourself right of center, you may not appreciate this post. Feel free to close this now.

As a distraction from below, here is a toddler staring contest:

 
DH has a deck of playing cards that have GWB's face photoshopped onto various iconic (and primarily feminine) images. GWB as a 1950s pinup girl. GWB as a beach beauty. GWB as Mother Whistler. One of the jokers is GWB on the body of a cymbal playing monkey. K has glommed onto this card as her personal favourite. She insisted on carrying it in the car ride this morning. Every few minutes I would hear "mommy! monkey!" when I would look back she would be excitedly showing me the card.
Oh my dear, if only you knew how close to the truth you were :)

And as no post is complete with out a picture, here ya go:

Keira is 18 months 1 week old and is already mastering irony

3 Years Ago Yesterday

6/14/07
22 friends and family graced us with their presence on the warms sands of the Mayan Riviera and witnessed us say "We do". During my dinner speech, I opined how life was a journey, and one I was very excited to take with R by my side. It has been a great journey so far and I can't wait to see what the next years bring. I love you babe. And thank you again to all who joined us. It was the most incredible week and I loved that you were a part of it.

FYI, if you are newer to my life and didn't get subjected to the wedding photos the first time around, below is a link to the whole set. I would post them all here as my "favourites" but I think you all would kill me at the post length.



FYI2, yesterday also marked K's 18 month birthday. I will hopefully follow tonight or tomorrow with an update post on all the cool things she is doing, plus the regular boring minutae like height/weight/potty training.

(Photo credits to Kyla Hemmelgarn Photography)

Children's Festival Wrap up

More of my catching up from May. K, S, Grandma and I hit up the Vancouver International Children's Festival a few weekends ago. The Children's Festival has been running for a dog's age. I remember with anticipation going every year with my parents - the cotton candy, the face painting, seeing Raffi or Sharon, Louis & Bram live. It was the highlight of my year in my early days. So I was very excited to restart the tradition with my own little one.
As an adult, its a bit smaller then I remembered. But the price is still very decent - $10 for general admission and $16 for a presentation (which includes all day admission). Let me tell you, the toddler tent was well worth the price of admission. Basically it was the world's greatest playroom, with Melissa and Doug puzzles, a water table, dress-up centre, doll house, and an Ikea spread of tents, tunnels, blocks and trains. The girls loved it. It was a bit of a grey day, so we spent most of the time in the tent. Here are some of my favourite memories from the day. It was impossible to catch both girls in camera at the same time. They are still in a stage where they mostly play next to each other, not with each other.

Mother's Day Addendum: Cousin-Sisters

I can't get over watching my niece, S and K together. They are only a month apart, and if it were not for the space between our houses (nearly an hour drive) I would try to get them together on a daily basis. For days after spending time together, K wanders around forlornly, whispering "Fia?" "Fia?" and then demanding we bring her pictures up on the TV.
n Mother's Day, I got a ton of fun pictures of them together:

"Bye mom, we are going for a drive"

Snack time = fun group feeding

this set cracks me up. I suck at doing collages, so I will just post all 3 together here. I wish I could get them to line up left to right, but I iz not that smert.

the slide was a big hit too:

in unison, wherever they go:

Very overdue Mother's Day post

Since my editing skills (or lack thereof) are not up to snuff, I am very behind in blogging some of the bigger events of May. Case in point, Mother's Day was nearly a month ago now. It was a blissful day; K made me a lovely macaroni necklace and hand poem in daycare, the husband made me a picnic in the park and surprised me with some beautiful flowers, and we ended the day with a BBQ with my parents, brother, sister-in-law and niece. So, pictures galore!

flowers I woke up to:

Finally! a picture of K and I together. (Edited by the talented MTOW)

Grandpa back from a spring ski, pulling out the entertainment for the kids:

K looking all sweet and serious:

Blowing bubbles is fun!

Cheese!

And lastly, the woman who is my inspiration, and my creator. I don't know what I would do without you. I love you mom, thank you for everything you do and have done. There are no words to describe what you mean to me. Isn't she about the cutest grandma you have ever seen?

(the girls got up to tons of fun antics. I am going to blog about that separately. They are too adorable together).