This morning I gave K two options of shirts to wear. One has winnie the pooh on it, and one has flowers. Immediately she starts chanting "winnie da pooh, winnie da pooh" and dancing around the room she is so excited about wearing winnie the pooh. ::sigh:: my daughter is 21 months old and already the corporations have her brainwashed. I didn't think I was going to have to worry about the name brand stuff for another ten years. I guess I was wrong. I can hear my hard earned dollars falling down the drain already.
Also, this great article was posted by a friend on Facebook yesterday: Colic doesn't harm babies, but it harms parents
I seriously thought I was reading about my own life, right down to the fear of alcohol and bouncing on an exercise ball until you broke your back. About dreading walking in the door, worried your husband was going to get up and walk right out of it and not come back, and dealing with the feeling that you wanted to throw your baby out a window. It made me cry and made me feel validated at the same time. It is still hard for me to think about the first 6 months K was home.
Its the story of colic and its grip on one couple. They describe coming out of raising a colicy baby as having Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Nothing could describe it better. I still hear imaginary babies cry when no sound is being made. I still sleep with one eye open fearful of when K might start crying. It has not been easy on our marriage. It has made us question whether K will be an only child (more on that in another post, maybe). It makes you feel terrible as a parent because you can't comfort your child, and many times, you can't love your child. There is no greater guilt then that, IMO. (well apart from actually killing someone maybe?) Thank you Mike for expressing what so many of us find difficult to do.
Was becoming a parent worth it for all of this? Ultimately, for me, yes it is. Despite the continued sleep issues, despite the hellish first 6 months (or if you ask my husband, hellish first 15 months), this is the greatest thing I have ever done. K does everything with passion. She doesn't just live life - she attacks it with zest and energy. She makes every day entertaining, just as she makes every day frustrating. Yes, she cries hard. But she loves hard too. We will lose hours in a haze of tickle fights and hugging and kissing contests. She amazes me constantly, and gives me great joy. She gives me a reason to come home at the end of the day, and a reason to wake up every morning. I think she is just more intense about everything, including being a newborn.
and looking mischeivous: